I Love God

I Love God

The heart of Mira is entangled in the beauty of her Guru’s feet; 
Nothing else causes her delight! 
He made her happy in the drama of the world; 
His knowledge dried up the Ocean of being and becoming. 
Mira says: My whole world is Shri Krishna; 
Now that my gaze is turned inward, I see it clearly.

Mirabai

When I was around eight a friend that I often played with on the weekends asked me if I believed in God, and I told her that I didn’t know because I wasn’t sure what God was. She told me that God was love and that He loved everyone. Her conviction awoke a curiosity in me.

I asked her where He lived and she said that He was in heaven and pointed to the above sky. I looked up trying to imagine where exactly in the sky God lived and what he looked like. As young as I was it seemed unlikely that he lived up there, but on the other hand it was likely there was a place where he did live. She said that God was also in her church and that if I wanted to meet Him I could come to church with her and her family but that I had to ask my parents.

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Is God in the sky I wondered?

One Sunday morning I crept into my parents’ bedroom and woke my mother. I asked her if I could go to church with my friend and she groggily mumbled yes.

There was a subtle current of anticipation as I thought about meeting God. When we arrived at the church all the children were ushered into a classroom very much like a school room. My friend told me that children were not allowed to hear the sermon by the minister.

We sat at children’s desks while a young woman talked to us about Jesus, sinners, evil and saving lost souls. I could not grasp how children could be sinful or evil. I felt myself recoil as my mind drifted away from her voice. I fantasised a God that was different from her version, different from the ordinary. When I thought about how God might be for me, I imagined Him to be bright and loving, but mostly magical.

When I got home I asked my mother what religion we were and she told me that we were Presbyterian. I asked her why we did not go to church. She said that she did not go to church when she was a child either.

‘Your grandmother was an Orange woman and hated Catholics’.

I was not sure what this meant, but I realised I was not going to get an understanding about God from my parents. I thought they knew less about God than my young friend and so I put aside my questions. When I went to play with my friend the next time her mother came to the door and told me she could not play with me again. I only saw her from a distance and I felt sad for her.

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Everything is Consciousness according to Kashmir Shaivism. This too is God.

From then on I would occasionally wonder about God’s existence. I asked my girlfriends if they went to church but none of them did, nor did their parents. I wondered why some families believed in God and some did not. And then one of them told me that people who did not believe in God were called ‘atheists’ and people who did not know whether God existed or not were called ‘agnostics’. I put myself in the category of agnostic because I was aware that some part of me wanted to believe that God existed.

The first time I felt God was the first time I met Baba Muktananda. In his company I had my first meditation experience, a profound and deep knowing of the Self. In hindsight I realised that I had had a God experience. As I meditated over the years, love for God grew in me, as did love of mankind, love for the Guru and love of Self.

The other night in the Mother’s day Satsang Guruji was teaching from Anandamayi Ma. As he was speaking I felt myself sinking into meditation. Then I vaguely heard him say my name. He was calling on me because I was supposed to lead the meditation by reading from Mirabai’s poems.

‘Oh my God,’ I said as I returned to consciousness, ‘I was so deep’. I was aware all eyes were on me but was unselfconscious because I was still in meditation. If the person sitting behind me hadn’t poked me I would not have come out of it. Forty-five minutes had passed and I had missed Guruji’s whole talk.

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Meditation is a gift from God.

It is difficult to describe the state I had been in. Yes, it was nirvikalpa samadhi, but deeper than I had ever felt. Yes, it was like deep sleep, but somehow deeper and darker and more peaceful. I didn’t know that was even possible. Yes, it was like a death experience, but comforting and warm, safe and indescribably delicious. It was the deepest state of samadhi I had ever experienced. It was total absorption in the depth of my being.

God had embraced me, held me, rocked me, loved me, healed me, and He then threw me back to the world with a deeper connection to myself. I knew that it was nirvikalpa samadhi but it was extraordinary samadhi.

I was wondering where my consciousness had gone. I found a Wikipedia article on nirvikalpa samadhi as described in Raja Yoga:

Nirvikalpa samadhi, on the other hand, absorption without self-consciousness, is a mergence of the mental activity in the Self, to such a degree, or in such a way, that the distinction of knower, act of knowing, and object known becomes dissolved — as waves vanish in water, and as foam vanishes into the sea.

This probably comes closest to what I experienced. Then another definition by Swami Shivananda:

All the seeds or impressions are burnt by the fire of knowledge. All thought forms which bring on rebirth are totally freed up.

All mental modifications that arise from the mind-lake come under restraint. The five afflictions: ignorance, egoism, love, hatred and clinging to life are destroyed and the bonds of Karma are annihilated.

It gives deliverance from the wheel of births and deaths.

I was free from all thoughts and afflictions but I am not sure about ‘deliverance from rebirth’. Nor is that an issue for me; I am not averse to rebirth. An astrologer told me some years ago that my chart indicated that I had made a vow to come back.

I would not know how to achieve that deep state again. It was not by any effort I made in the moment that caused it. It was God’s grace. As the experience fades the memory lingers in my mind as a possibility, a potential that is within me. A part of me is still connected to that space, like an anchor that holds a ship steady in the rocky ocean. I am left in awe of that small miracle that brought me the magic of such deep meditation and peace.

God Madness Is A Good Madness

A share from a devotee’s letter on his first visit to Ganeshpuri and Sri Ramana Maharshi’s Ashram.

Ganeshpuri.

I lost my mind and found God. There was that day I spent reflecting that unhappiness was a memory and that happiness was the natural state of being.

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Banyan tree that Bhagawan Nityananda used to sit under.

The tree out the front is a portal like Ganeshpuri is a portal. But unlike Ganeshpuri where the Shakti is like a constant earthquake. And the spirit world is immediate.

What Bhagavan Nityananda gave me I can’t describe except in a child’s terms. It is like he gave me a Willy Wonka lolly, like the endless tasting chewing gum of Shakti. It is like he put a lingam in my head and said ‘off you go.’ It is nuts but I have the rest of the trip to bring this into a meaningful context and apply it in the real world. 

From the Goddesses of the temple with eyes that emitted blue light, to seeing a blue light like a mist coming from me and in my mala beads. And some being telling me I have not left Siddha Loka yet. Then saying a week later ‘you have left Siddha Loka.’ Well what reference does even a spiritual nut like myself have to measure such experiences?

I knew my mental state had become more normal.

But other than to say Bhagavan gave me all the Shakti I needed then and more for the road. 

I know I have the Shakti at home in my meditation. I feel Bhagavan has given me a great gift and I have reformed a personal relationship with a place and perhaps even a guru from a previous existence.

I can only say that Ganeshpuri felt like the most natural place on earth. There was only what was real and no unreal, no pretending. And I lost my mind. God madness is good madness.

See if you can make sense of that. I’m only just getting my head around it.

I know now why Bhagavan Nityananda did not speak or convey teachings. How can you sustain a normal conversation for longer than a few minutes in that place? It is too easy to slip away.

This week I found that my spiritual name is a name of Lord Krishna, I like it, thanks Guruji.

Steadily I’m coming down to earth and the more unreal it seems that all of this happens. But I’m not worried. I have a deep faith in God.

I am not concerned with the fluctuations of my waking mind.

It’s said that we lose the feeling of Ganeshpuri when we return to Australia.  I say to that, ‘so what–why should I care?’ If it is that natural then it’s the way it is supposed to be.

Funny! I had this idea that I once lived in or close to Ganeshpuri as a Muslim. The place felt as comfortable as a childhood place I left and then returned to later in life. There was a strong sense of familiarity about the place.

Inshallah!

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Arunachala, the mountain Ramana Maharshi worshipped.

Arunachala.

Sri Ramana is the gentlest of souls. Truly the love and peace of this place is at first too much. Juxtaposed is the power of the mountain [Arunachala] which exudes Shakti.

But unlike Ganeshpuri where the Shakti is like a constant earthquake. And the spirit world is immediate. Ramana Ashram is the perfect cure for this power and turmoil and madness.

But as time went by the turmoil settles like dirt in a jar of agitated water. And the peace of the place becomes apparent in oneself.

Enough for now. God bless. With love.

I Am A Disciple

I Am A Disciple

One Christmas when I was around fifteen I was watching a movie about the life of Jesus. I was terrified and shocked by the crucifixion and the horror people could perpetrate. But I was also in awe of the disciples. As I watched a scene in which a disciple spoke of his devotion to Christ I was moved to tears. ‘Too bad,’ I thought, ‘that a relationship like that isn’t possible today. I would like to have that experience. I would like to be a disciple.’

Many years later when I met my Guru I was overjoyed to discover that discipleship was still available. I understood that Jesus was a Guru and that Gurus exist now and will exist always.

The love of a disciple for the master is beautiful, vulnerable and poignant. A disciple who has surrendered to the Guru is naked. A disciple offers their ego to the Guru to banish individuality and to lay bare the darkest secrets of his or her psyche. The desires to remain an individual, to do well, to have approval, to be loved and accepted, to be first among many, must die.

Once before God, before the Guru,  I was riding the bus downtown. As I sat there, I was aware of an ache in my heart. I looked around at the passengers wondering if their hearts also ached. As I watched them the veil between me and them faded. I could see suffering etched on their faces, masks of ugly pain. It was as though every hurtful event had left deep emotional scars. The past somehow doomed them to misery.

The vision scared me. I wondered, ‘is there a way to escape the pain of life? Is there a way to be happy? Is that going to happen to me? Is suffering going to scar me? What is the purpose of all this? What does life mean?’

Some kind of discipleship is necessary if we are going to learn anything. As children we disciple ourselves to our parents, to our teachers, and to our friends. I loved horseback riding and became a kind of disciple to my teacher, whom I loved very much. I could not find that same love or feeling in school.

By the time I could read and write I had lost what little enjoyment I found in school. My mind rebelled against using my intellect. Language was the only subject I liked because it came easily. Nothing the teachers said gave me a sense of purpose, love or self-knowledge. I was bored and the teachers seemed as uninspired as I was.

My mind wandered into gloomy feelings of doubt, disappointment and frustration.  If a subject had interested me then I would have applied myself. But none did. Instead my mind dwelt on the psychic discomfort in my inner world. And, there was no subject to address it.

Disciples, on the other hand, mostly learn by osmosis, by watching and observing the Guru, by being in the Guru’s company and by soaking up the spiritual energy, the Shakti.

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Waving the lights in Satsang at the Mount Eliza Ashram.

I love to learn at the feet of the Guru. To sit with fellow devotees in Satsang and hear the teachings on the Self, the Shakti, the Guru, and other spiritual matters is sublime. Satsang is the best company. Satsang never fails to uplift, is never dull, and always inspirational.

Studying and learning with Guruji however, is joyful, especially if the subject is Kashmir Shaivism. There is an inherent aliveness in Shaivite texts. But even Patanjali and Vedanta are pleasurable. Guruji has always taught from esoteric yogic texts with humour and warmth. He had the capacity to make clear the hidden meaning in the aphorisms. He fields questions with sensitivity and wisdom; he invites discussion, objections and skepticism.

When I first started studying these texts with him I was surprised that I could understand even the most mysterious ones. Naturally I have my own quirky way of relating to them. But that is the greatness of learning with the Guru. A wise teacher will encourage a student to take what makes sense, and discard what doesn’t. When learning with the Guru I feel the presence of God and the meaning becomes clear.

In his book Satsang with Baba, Baba said:

The Guru’s feet refer to the Being in whom the Guru stands rooted, and that Being is the Supreme Being, and that Being is the highest truth. The source of worship is the state of the inner centre in which the mind completely merges in meditation. The water of the Guru’s feet flows from the Guru to the disciple. When one attains the state beyond the distinction of you and me, beyond the distinction of mine and thine, outer and inner, Guru and disciple, then one can drink this nectar, the water of Guru’s feet.

Baba goes on to say that when a disciple merges with the Guru principle he or she becomes one with the source of stability, where the Guru’s Consciousness is anchored. That is worship, that is the source of love, that is oneness with the divine.

A disciple of a Hassidic master said:

‘I don’t come to listen to him speak, I come to watch him tie his shoe laces.’

I go to soak up Guru’s grace.

Sitting with the Guru is darshan. In darshan an alchemical synergy flows between the Guru and the disciple. It is a more intimate experience of Satsang. Like Satsang, it ignites the experience of God, the Self, and divine love. Shakti moves between guru and disciple in a Tantric flow of blissful energy. The Guru transmits grace and the disciple receives grace. This is the experience available to us when we sit with a true Guru.

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Baba on his perch.

Once in Baba’s Ganeshpuri ashram in the early morning I was working in the courtyard. My shift finished and I sat to meditate. Baba was sitting on his perch. His perch was like a shelf, with room only for him, some precious photos, his peacock feathers, some statues and other gifts to give away. He routinely sat here. Managers, devotees and ashramites would come and speak to him.

As soon as I sat the electric current of the Shakti moved between us. No words were necessary. I was one with him; he was my very own Self. People approached, spoke to him and walked away. These movements did not disturb the divinity that connected us. We were one being. The intimacy, love and acceptance was beautiful. I thought only about God and the present moment. I relished the love for about half an hour. Slowly as more people came my mind became distracted and I lost the thread. I still felt the connection but it was less intimate.

Sometimes darshan is divine but sometimes it can bring up the most painful and fearful thoughts and feelings. The Shakti moves to wash away negativity, blocks, all of the obstacles to the divine experience of darshan. It is painful if we let fear or desire get in the way.

Discipleship is not a career choice, it is a calling. To surrender to discipleship is a kind of self-acceptance, an acknowledgment of the yearning to know God. To deny the calling can cause unbearable pain. This yearning may make no sense from a worldly point of view. It only makes sense from an inner point of view.

Baba once said that a worthy disciple is one who becomes absorbed in the Guru. A good disciple merges with the Guru’s highest state of Consciousness, and eventually attains permanent oneness with the Self. This is my goal in life–to know God, to be close to God and to serve God.

I haven’t always been the most compliant disciple, or the best disciple or perhaps the most worthy. But, I am a disciple and, God willing, I shall always remain one.

 

 

 

 

Ganeshpuri Bliss

Ganeshpuri Bliss

The following was submitted by a devotee.

I’m in India, Ganeshpuri sitting on the Guru’s floor. The cool of the floor meets my old knees. A soft cloth is in one hand, I am gently washing his floor. My other hand supports my body – the floor is being cleaned. I feel present, with the cloth, the hand and the Shakti. What a delight. So much Shakti.

Two devotees walk around beating their chests like bouncers in a night club. I can’t work out what’s happening, I  feel incredible bliss.

Later…

My roommate and I are sick. We are drunk with Shakti. Baba talks about this, but I don’t know what it means.

So much sweat and sleep! The doctor comes and gives us medicine. We feel the cool and quiet of Mandagni, Fire Mountain. My tearing thoughts knock but I sleep, they knock again. I cry. I’m missing the Guru and satsang, but hold on.

A couple of days and nights of calm bathes us in Fire Mountain’s restorative love and our bodies are ready. Mother Shakti takes us, her children back to the Guru’s feet for more.

It’s been huge, something is gonna blow.

 

The Rasa Lila: Spiritual Lovers

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Shukadev narrating the life story of Krishna.

This is adapted from a talk I gave the National Gallery of Victoria.

We meditate upon that transcendent reality from
Whom the universe springs, in whom it abides
And into whom it returns,
Because He is present in all existing things…
We meditate upon Him who is self-conscious and self-effulgent…
On account of whom the creation shines as a reality and
Who excludes illusion by his own Self-effulgent glory. (Bhagavatam page xiv)

Thus begins the Bhagavatam, the Book of God, one of Hinduism’s most holy texts, the story of the birth, life and death of Lord Krishna. Sages have gathered in a holy city to perform a yagna, a fire ritual and to hear spiritual discourse. They invite Sūta, who they call ‘the master of all the scriptures’ to give a summary on ‘how man will instantly be delivered from this ever-whirling cycle of birth and death.’

Sūta replies saying:

‘Man should constantly endeavor to do that which generates devotion to Lord Krishna—devotion which is motiveless, which knows no obstruction, and as a result of which one realizes the all-blissful God.’(2nd January page I.2)

Many Hindu texts take the form of conversations between a Guru and a disciple. The disciple is in a state of apathy, weighed down by sorrow, and the Guru works diligently to teach the disciple by anecdote, story and example in order to free him or her from suffering.

In the customary style of teaching Sūta narrates a conversation between King Parikshit, who is destined to die in seven days, and Shukadev, a great sage, who has agreed to impart his wisdom to the dying king.

Their conversation goes on uninterrupted for seven days prior to the king’s death, during which the king does not eat, drink or sleep. Shuka tells the king that the true goal in life is to give up sensual enjoyment and embrace the supreme absolute truth, embodied in the teachings and life of Shri Krishna.

Hindu theology differs from Western in that it says the sages, saints, great beings and Gurus, the ‘son of God’ take birth now, and always. There is never a time when a great being does not exist.

The Bhagavatam says there are three types of people incarnating at all times: human beings, wicked people and those inclined toward divinity, or gods, who are known as Avatars, Gurus, sages and seers.

The difference between Gurus, sages and Avatars is that an Avatar is born self-realized, with full knowledge and experience of their divinity and oneness with the Lord. They are souls who ‘descend into the lower realm,’ into the world, for a special purpose. Avatars incarnate when the suffering of mankind is overpowering joy; evil is rising over good; or by the intense yearning of devotees for their beloved Lord to manifest in human form.

Gurus, seers and sages are born with an inclination to know the Self. They are conscious of their separation from the Lord and but must do sadhana, spiritual practice and austerity in order to realize the Self and connect with the Divine.

An Avatar’s life, is a ‘lila’, a play or sport of the Lord and is never ordinary, it is epic. As their lives unfold there are dramatic incidences of violence, unconditional love, confusion, self-realization, knowledge, apathy, sorrow, anger, despair, greed, fear, jealousy, desire, lust and finally, moksha¸ freedom from suffering for there devotees.

‘Whenever there is decline of righteousness here and an increase of sin, then the lord manifests himself.’ (3rd August page IX.24)

Krishna’s life is typical of an Avatar’s, which is full of tests and miracles. As he overcomes the obstacles he teaches those witnessing them and those who are eager to hear the truth. The outcome of each challenge shows how right understanding leads to right action and right action leads to freedom.

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Shakti, the Universal Mother

The energy of an Avatar represent different aspects of God’s power: Brahma, the creative energy, Shiva, the energy of dissolution and change and Vishnu, the sustaining energy or “that which abides”. Each has a feminine counterpart or Goddess as a consort. She is known as Shakti, the Holy Mother, Maya, or the great Goddess. She is also called Kali, Durga, Devi, Saraswati, Lakshmi, Radha and Parvati; her names are many and represent the female aspect of God. Her responsibility is to manifest the material world, the mission and work of the Lord, the avatar and the Guru. She gives outer form to the Lord’s highest attainment and spiritual goals. She embodies power and energy, compassion and wisdom.

The masculine energy is still, quiet, peaceful, tranquil and calm; the feminine energy is dynamic, powerful, creative. He is a canvas; She is the artist who gives shape, colour and texture. He is a screen; She is the image on the screen. He is a lake; She is the rippling wave on the lake. He is the invisible; She is the visible.

The scriptures say that the masculine and feminine energies unite in cosmic ecstasy to create the whole universe. Although they appear separate they are one and never apart. Shakti is the inner potency of the Lord manifested as the world and is His spiritual inspiration.

The Lord and Shakti incarnate in order to experience themselves as ‘other’ and to play out the dance of separation and oneness. They mirror the positive and negative, the dark and the light, the possibility of liberation and the temptation of destruction. In this cosmic joining the masculine and feminine reflect and manifest the highest spiritual potential, the personal and divine Self of a human being.

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Baby Krishna

Krishna was accompanied by two main Shaktis, Radha, head Gopi, and her friends the cowgirls, who he bewitched and beguiled in his youth and Rukmini, the wife of his elder years.

The exact date of Krishna’s birth was not recorded, however most scholars agree that it coincided with the advent of the Kali Yuga, the age of darkness which began at least 3000 years before the birth of Christ. Some scholars think that Krishna was a folk hero whose valor became legend over generations, and he took on God-like attributes. Some say that he may not have been one person and that his story is a series of fables of different men from different eras morphed into one man. Regardless of whether he was one person or many, today Krishna is worshipped by millions of Hindus as an incarnation of the God Vishnu and is regarded as the “Lord of Love”.

Love inspires everyone. Artists, writers, poets, and actors search for inspiration to give voice to their craft out of love. Others seek love in order to give a focus to life and anchor it. Love settles us and gives us a purpose for living.

Love is the sustaining power of our lives. We create works of art, build a career and a family and sustain life by love, by giving it our attention, energy and good heart. Our lives are reflections of loving thoughts and feelings. When we withdraw love, we stop sustaining what we have created and our life begins to fall apart. When we again turn to our life with love, it flourishes.

Love is the reason and purpose of Krishna’s birth. His mission is to reflect God’s love and to show his devotees how to attain it and hold onto it.

Avatars never take birth alone, not only do they have a Shakti; they are accompanied by a host of companions. Each has a spiritual attitude, a bhav toward the Lord. Some are friends, lovers, wife or husband, colleagues, servants, advisors, gurus, demigods, saints and enemies. They are a mandala, a circle of wholeness and completion, each with a particular role to play in the Avatar’s drama. And so Krishna is accompanied by a retinue of associates who help him fulfill his destiny.

The Radha bhav, the attitude of the Gopis toward Krishna, is said to be the highest spiritual feeling that a person can hold toward God. The Gopis consider Krishna to be husband and lover for Krishna embodies everything that is holy and sacred. They are pulled toward him in order to reach ‘Supreme Love’.

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Radha and Krishna

Their love has some of the qualities of personal romantic love, the love we look for when we search for a partner. However, it is much more than the personal love most of us know. Personal love can be contaminated by desire for pleasure and possessiveness. Inevitably, when romance and Eros fade it falls under the influence of fear, desire, anger and attachment.

Radha bhav is complex, mysterious, and contains the bittersweet experience called ‘the bliss of the pain of separation’. The relationship is more piquant from the dance of union and separation, the longing to merge with the Lord or Guru, the pain of separation from Him and finally permanent union with Him.

The Gopis feel an intense attraction, a yearning to be close to their object of love, Krishna. This is partially due to Krishna’s mission, which is to draw them close to him so that they can realise unconditional love and become an inspiration for others. However their love must be free of selfishness or any negative emotion that separates them from Krishna. Their spiritual task is to hold to devotion, the highest understanding and love for Krishna without attachment, without wanting anything in return.

Krishna energy is charming, fickle and playful. Krishna types are usually the naughty boys that girls adore and mothers fear. Mothers have a sixth sense about the Krishna energy and encourage their daughters to avoid it. Of course, they don’t and heartbreak is usually inevitable. In the contemporary novel ‘The Hindi Bindi Club’ one mother’s advice to her daughter is, ‘play around with Krishna but marry Shiva.’ Shiva is loyal, faithful and steady.

The Krishna of the Bhagavatam is much more than a charming young man; he is the Lord of the universe and has a serious purpose. His mission is to return righteousness, divine love and prosperity to the people of the land of Vraja.

As our story begins, at the onset of the age of darkness, violence, greed, dishonesty and jealousy are on the rise. There is great fear and confusion in the land where Krishna is about to take birth. Kamsa, a wicked king whose addiction to pleasure has destroyed his wisdom and compassion, rules the kingdom of Vraja.

Kamsa arranges the marriage of his sister, Devaki, to a local king, Vasudev. On their wedding day Kamsa hears a voice in his mind that tells him that Devaki’s eighth child will slay him. He decides to kill Devaki and her future husband. Upon hearing their fate, Vasudev convinces Kamsa to imprison them both instead of murdering Devaki. Kamsa agrees with a promise that he will slay every child born to them and so he does.

Years pass and evil has risen. It is time for the Lord to incarnate. He speaks to his Shakti and asks Her to incarnate with him saying that:

‘You will earn a place of glory in the heart of humanity. People will erect temples for you and worship you in your various aspects….’(5th August, page X.2)

The night of the birth of the eighth child Krishna, the gates of the prison mysteriously open. Vasudev recognizes the hand of the Lord in this magic. He carries Krishna to Vrindavan, where he exchanges him for the girl child, the newborn daughter of Yashoda, wife of King Nanda, ruler of Vraja who will foster Krishna into manhood.

When Kamsa hears of the birth, he comes to kill the newborn baby girl. She manifests as the Supreme Goddess, the holy mother Mahamaya, and scares him off. Laughing at his folly she says:

‘What is the use of trying to kill me, O fool! Your death has taken birth somewhere else. Therefore, do not harm the innocent.’ (8th August, page X.4)

Since then the divine mother has been worshipped everywhere under many different names. Unable to slay her, Kamsa vows to destroy all babies under the age of ten months.

As the story of Krishna’s birth and Kamsa’s failure becomes known, the people of the valley herald the birth of an incarnation of Vishnu, sent to release them from Kamsa’s tyranny.

As Kamsa’s wickedness grows so too does the divine power of Lord Krishna. From the moment of his birth it is obvious he is not an ordinary person. Miracles happen around him. As a young child he is shepherd to the village cows; he defends them against wild animals and thieves, thereby safeguarding the villagers’ income, food and wellbeing. Krishna’s sweet nature attracts the villagers to him and they share in the ecstasy of his spiritual joy. He plays various roles. He is the magical child who teases the village mothers, steals their butter and hides things from them.

When Kamsa sends a host of demons to slay Krishna and others, he easily wins every battle, even as a young boy. His reputation grows and the whole valley celebrates him as an incarnation of the Lord. He is constantly demonstrating his mystical power that confirms their belief that he is none other than the supreme Lord Vishnu.

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Krishna and Balaram

Krishna’s older brother, Balaram, who avoided death at the hands of Kamsa by mystical means, always accompanies Krishna. Krishna and his brother enchant the villagers, for a radiant light seems to follow them wherever they go.

Sūta says:

‘Here comes Krishna, the protector of Vraja and the cows, with elders bowing to him. He appears fatigued, but even so he is beautiful and delightful to look at, with his garland covered with the dust of the hooves of the cows—his dear ones. As he strolls in, like a little elephant, he removes the distress in our hearts caused by our separation from him during the day.’ (10th September page X.35) 

Later in his life he is a great King and wise Guru but for now he is the sustainer of lives and playmate of the Gopis. As Krishna grows up he becomes the enchanter, the playful seducer of tender hearts. He is flirtatious and teases the cowgirls without mercy. He calls them to him and then runs away, thereby increasing their yearning to be in his company. His romantic play of oneness and separation intensifies as he leaves his childhood behind and enters manhood.

‘It was summer. But in Vrndavan, it was forever springtime. The blazing sun shone pleasantly over the valley, bringing warmth but not heat. The air was constantly cooled by the numerous ponds and was laden with the fragrance and the pollen of flowers. The earth was thickly carpeted with many-hued flowers for the Lord to sport on; and the birds and beasts entertained him with their sweet notes. He loved them. He was love.’ (23rd August, X.18/19)

Then autumn followed:

‘As the moon is surrounded by stars, so Krishna, surrounded by his friends, brought delight to the hearts of all. The temperate climate brought relief to the hearts of all except the women of Vrndavan whose hearts had been stolen by Krishna.’

And so the scene is set for Krishna to show the Gopis their spiritual destiny. They had already lost their hearts to him. During the months of December and January they rose early every day and bathed in the river. Afterward they worshipped the goddess Katyayani and prayed:

‘Oh Goddess Katyayani, please make Krishna my husband’. (26th August, X.22)

Upon hearing their prayer Krishna replies:

‘I know your hearts’ desire, O chaste girls, and it shall be fulfilled. Desire directed towards me is no desire at all, even as seed roasted in fire is no seed. You will soon realize the fruit of your worship of the Goddess.’ (26th August, page X.22)

In other words the yearning directed toward the Lord is free of negative consequence. Because their prayer is full of devotion for the Lord, it is only a matter of time before Krishna grants their wishes.

The Gopis are either married or betrothed. Certainly no husband, betrothed or parent would allow his or her daughters to sport unattended with a man, even if he is the Lord. So then, what of their attitude?

The Gopis fear their husbands and parents might disown them for visiting Krishna un-chaperoned and tell Krishna of their doubt. Krishna assures them that there is nothing to fear, and there is not.

Their husbands, parents and betrothed are sporting with Krishna also, in order to know the love of the Self. Aware of his great spiritual power and radiance they curse themselves. They are guilty and embarrassed in front of the knowing eye of Krishna. They admit that many of their religious rites and sacrifices have only worked to make them selfish and greedy. Praying to Krishna they plea:

‘Surely we are blessed to have had these ladies as our partners in life, for through them we too can develop devotion to the Lord’. (28th August, page X.23)

Already the Gopis are fulfilling their spiritual destiny by example of pure devotion that has moved their husbands to self-examination. Krishna counsels all of the villagers to be like a tree saying:

‘Blessed is the life of a tree. They afford food and shelter to all beings, and they never turn anyone away without sharing what they have. By their fruits, leaves, flowers, roots, bark and firewood they serve all. This indeed is the greatest duty—that one serves another and works out one’s salvation with the life, wealth, intelligence and speech that one has.’ (26th August, page X.22)

Krishna takes every opportunity to teach and encourage the villagers.

One autumn day there is a special sweetness in the air. The Gopis are constantly meditating on Krishna, yearning to become one with him, the villagers are pining to catch a glimpse of him, and the whole valley is alive and glowing from his radiance. The atmosphere is intoxicating.

Woh Kadamba Ka Ped
Kadamba Tree on the banks of the Yamuna River where Krishna danced with the Gopis.

The story goes on:

‘It was autumn and in the clear blue sky the lovely full moon rose. The setting was ideal, thought Krishna, for enacting a divine drama. Krishna was seated in the forest and, wishing to shower his grace upon the gopis, he played a few notes on his flute. The music fanned the flame of love that constantly burned in their hearts of these women.

‘Spell-bound they began to arrive where Krishna was seated. At the moment they heard the flute of Krishna they dropped whatever they were doing and turned their steps towards him. Not one could restrain them. It did not matter if they were not properly dressed and adorned. At the first sound of the music, their hearts, their soul, their very life and already reached the feet of Krishna; the body followed without argument.

‘Some, however, found that all the exits from their house had been bolted and locked. Contemplating Krishna in their hearts they sat with their eyes closed. Intense longing burned in them—and it burned the residue of ignorance and bad deeds. In deep meditation they embraced the Krishna of their soul, and the bliss they enjoyed worked more deeply on the residue of past good karma in them. Thus rid of the consequences of both good and bad karma, and resorting to Krishna, though as a lover, they attained so: one who loves or hates; fears or befriends the Lord is united with him. This is the very purpose of his incarnation: to make himself easily accessible to everyone.’ (2nd September, page X.29) 

The Bhagavatam says that any thought, whether positive or negative, when turned toward the Lord, invites the Lord into the heart. And so, even the wicked can attain liberation, even though they meditate upon Krishna with grievance or evil. The Gopis’ work is the opposite, to meditate on Krishna without attachment or grievance.

When they arrive Krishna speaks:

‘Welcome blessed ladies! What shall we do? But, why have you come away from your homes at night? Your parents and husbands will be worried. It may be that you are attached to me, for I am the Self of all in which everyone finds delight. But it is the duty of a married woman to be devoted to her husband, regarding him as a god, even if he is wicked, unlucky, aged, sick or poor. It is not necessary that my devotee should by physically close to me, but should hear and sing my glories and meditate upon me. Hence, return to your homes soon!’ (2nd September, page X.29)

The Gopis reply:

‘Do not spurn us Lord. We have completely renounced all the objects of this world and have resorted to your feet. Kindly accept us as your servants. For even so does the Lord of the universe treat the seekers after liberation. You have taught us that service to our husbands is our foremost duty. Let that be so. But are you not the very self of all beings—hence the very self of our husbands? So, by serving you we are serving them. Even they who perform their duties and scriptural rituals are only worshipping you….

‘Since we touched your lotus feet, our hearts do not wish to hold anyone else dear. The goddess of wealth vies with the sacred basil leaf for the dust of your feet. All the world seeks the blessings of that goddess; but we seek the dust of your feet. Listening to the music of your flute even birds and beasts are entranced. So how could concern for respectability restrain us from being magnetically drawn to you by that music? You have taken birth to save us from all fears and sufferings; hence, we beseech you, place your divine hands on our hearts and on our breasts.’ (3rd September, page X.29)

Krishna, moved by their plea spends time in their company. They sing, and run about in the garden. He leads them to the river bank and plays in the water. As they soak up his loving attention, the mood shifts. Each thinks they are the chosen one, superior to all other women. Krishna the indweller of all, knows their thoughts and in order to destroy their pride he vanishes. They are immediately stricken with grief. One moment their hearts are filled with love and the next overwhelming grief.

‘In the loneliness and silence of the forest they could ask no human being about Krishna’s whereabouts, but they asked the flowers, the shrubs and the vines.’ (4th September, page X.30)

When one Gopi (perhaps Radha) thinks, ‘Krishna loves me best; I am His favorite; or I am the most beautiful’; they lose touch with divinity, their egos expand and the divine vision leaves them. They again find themselves in separation.

Even though Krishna plays with them as an equal, he is their Guru and insists they renounce possessiveness. They must understand that love and oneness is sustained only in the awareness—we are one; Love is one; Krishna belongs to everyone.

For hours they search for Krishna to no avail. He is not to be found while they are in the state of attachment. Eventually realizing their folly they stop searching and sit to pray:

‘Because you were born there, Vraja is even more prosperous. Indeed, the goddess of wealth dwells there permanently now. Beloved, see how your devotees are wandering about in search of you. By the shafts of your love-laden eyes you have robbed us of our very lives. Yet you have indeed saved us, the people of Vraja, time and again from diverse calamities. We know that you are not the playmate of the Gopis, and that you are the indwelling witness of all beings. You have taken birth among the satvata [the pure] at the specific prayer of the creator.’ (6th September, page X.31)

While they are absorbed in meditation Krishna appears, ‘looking like the enchanter Cupid’. He again leads them to the bank of the river where they find a sandy beach that is illumined by a flood of moonlight. There the Gopis prepare a seat for him with their scarves. Krishna sits, surrounded by the beautiful Gopis, a heavenly sight. Sitting close to him they question him:

‘Some love those who love them, others love even those who do not love them, and yet others do not love even those who love them! Can you tell us why?’

Krishna answers:

‘Friends love one another actuated by selfish interests; there is no true friendliness there, but only self-interest. Others love even those who do not love them—this is like paternal affection; here the love is actuated by duty and friendliness, and it is blameless. Yet others do not love even those that love them: they are either sages who delight in their own self, or those whose desires have all been fulfilled, ungrateful people, or they who hate their own benefactors and elders.’

‘As for me, I do not love even those who love me, so that they may never forget me nor take me for granted, but remain forever immersed in quest of me—like a poor man who found a pearl which he lost and is, therefore, forever looking for it.

‘I disappeared from your midst for awhile but I tell you, even if I am born again and again for many millennia, I will not be able to repay the debt I owe you nor to recompense your pure love for me.’

ras-lila
The Raslila

Enthralled by the loving words of Krishna, the Gopis form a circle around him. By his own divine power he appears between every two and he commences the rasa dance. Sensing this divine play the Celestials gathers in heaven to watch this rare scene. Krishna and the Gopis dance, their bodies sway, rock and whirl. Their dresses and tresses fly around. Some are overcome by fatigue and cling to Krishna’s shoulder; some fondly kiss his arm and swoon in ecstasy; some press his hands to their bosom. Thus they play and sport with the Lord in this magical atmosphere:

‘Embracing them, touching them, looking at them, smiling at them, the Lord sported as a child would play with its own reflection.’

‘It is said that the moon, the stars, the planets and the constellations, stood still, witness this wondrous play of the Lord who was in truth reveling in his own self all the time.

‘Then, surrounded by the Gopis, he entered the waters of the river. There again he played with the gopis who sprinkled him with water as the celestials watched and rejoiced. Afterwards Krishna roamed the groves and gardens on the bank of the river surrounded by the Gopis.’ (8th September, page X.33)

Again the question of propriety arises. King Parikshit who has been listening with deep interest asks:

‘How was it that the Lord, who incarnated as Krishna to establish righteousness, thus sported with others’ wives?’ (8th September, page X.33)

Shuka answers:

‘What appears to be transgression of duty is noticed in the conduct of the great, but it does not taint them. A wise man would accept their precepts as authoritative and emulate only those actions of theirs, which are in accord with the highest teachings, not others.

‘Non-volitional, spontaneous actions of those who have transcended ego are totally unselfish and are beyond the realm of virtue and vice.’ (8th September, page X.33)

Krishna lives fearlessly without ego. And so the villagers’ spiritual task is to see Krishna with a divine eye, and not with an ordinary ‘human’ eye. He is not an interloper, who has come to tear apart lives, but he is a healer of broken hearts and a destroyer of the negative karma evil brings.

Krishna as an incarnation of the Lord, is the indweller all, of the Gopis and of their husbands. Even though he appears to be a person, a separate human being, he is not. He is not a worldly threat, but a spiritual call to see the world through the eyes of the Lord. Hence the Gopis’ husbands are accepting. Krishna’s love is not carnal and even though the Gopis’ husbands suspect there is physical affection, they are drawn into the spiritual ecstasy resulting from the dance. This was the moment of testing for the Gopis and their dear ones, to see Krishna as the inner Self of all, not as another. This was their opportunity to embrace the Lord in pure love and so be united with him.

Shortly after the dance Krishna was called to Mathura to take up his kingly responsibilities. And so, even though the Gopis personified true and pure devotion to him alas, he left them.

They pined and yearned for him. The yearning to hold the experience of him burned within them. They embraced their destiny by becoming one with him spiritually.

Later concerned about their welfare, Krishna sends his disciple Uddhava to give them a message. Upon seeing he has come from Krishna they ask:

Why have you come here and what will you gain by singing the glory of Krishna to us? Having stolen our hearts once, he has deserted us. What need of our friendship has he? For his sake we have fully controlled our inborn tendencies, likes and dislikes, and are leading the life of mendicants. The very mention of his name fills us with distress and despair. Can you take us back to Krishna?’ (22nd September, page X.47)

Uddhava replies:

‘You have with your own lives laid a unique path to god-realisation—that of supreme love. Hear now Krishna’s special message to you:

‘You can never be separated from me, for I am the life and very self of all. I create, sustain and withdraw the universe, by myself, within myself. The self is ever-pure, it is consciousness itself and should be sought in and through the waking, dream and deep sleep states. At all times remember that this world is not different from an object in a dream. It is not necessary that you should be physically near me as away from me you will be spiritually closer to me.’ (22nd September, page X.47)’

The gopis are delighted to hear Krishna’s message. Moved by their profound understanding and seeing their love for Krishna Uddhava spends many months learning the art of devotion.

‘These village girls have fulfilled the purpose of human life, thought Uddhava. I salute the dust of the feet of the gopis, who uplift the three worlds by remembering and singing Krishna’s name.’ (23rd September, page X.47)

When it is time to leave, Uddhava praises their spiritual attainment saying:

‘May our minds and all our thoughts rest forever in the lotus feet of Krishna. May our speech always glorify him. May our bodies bow to him who is all-pervading, and may we ever serve him. Whatever be our destiny, may we ever be devoted to Lord Krishna.’ (23rd September, page X.47)

This ends the story of Krishna and the Gopis who to this day, remain the shining light of the Bhakti movement, the path of love.

I am not sure if the story of Krishna and the Gopis dispels the confusion and mystery of love or not. One thing is clear, however, that the ultimate test of our commitment to wanting our hearts to be full of love is, paradoxically, according to Krishna and the Gopis, to keep giving our love to God and the Guru in every situation, especially when our hearts break and it is the last thing we want to do.

 

Seeking and Finding

I was not looking to worship another;

I was seeking an end to self-hatred.

I was not seeking a marriage;

I was seeking a higher purpose.

1250_40491382163_7288_n
On the Ganges in Kankhal 2007.

I was not seeking pleasure;

I was yearning for lasting happiness.

I did not want to be wilful;

I was looking for the one who could hold my heart.

I was not afraid of life;

I was seeking refuge.

I did not want to leave the world;

I was searching for my place in it.

I was not seeking a religion;

I was yearning for God.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unfold The Inner Shakti

ZenGarden
Zen Garden in the front of the Ashram.

This morning in the shower I picked up a little wood bug that was struggling on its back to roll over. Many small creatures find their way into my bathroom and I try to save them. I don’t like to see them or anything suffer. When given a choice to kill defenceless creatures or save them, I will try to save them even if some are resistant.

I fed the dogs, sat down and looked out over my courtyard. As I glanced around I realised there are many thriving plants I had saved from death’s door. ‘What is this’, I asked myself. Do I have some kind of saviour complex? If I do it is not like Mother Teresa. I would never go to Calcutta and pick up lepers off the street. I might imagine doing it. That is not my purpose or way of serving but I am grateful to those who do it.

I love to watch people, animals, flowers grow and flourish. To grow inwardly and outwardly is to expand the Shakti. I hate to see things wither and dry up. The garden in the Ashram was a wasteland when we bought it. I have taken great pleasure, along with a whole team of people, turning it into a place of beauty and peace.

This morning a plumber came to quote on a job. ‘What is this place?’ he asked Bhaktananda. ‘It is so beautiful.’

Much more than destroying things, I love to build things and watch them being built. There was a time when the opposite was true. I was filled with self-hatred, doubt and fear, but the Guru changed my vision of myself and the world. Free of self-concern by Guru’s grace, it is possible to make a contribution that feeds my soul.

Over the years many young people have come through the Ashram doors, confused, agitated, broken-hearted, drug or alcohol addicted, lost and without purpose. After some years most have transformed and found their purpose, their life partner, and their career. To provide an atmosphere where seekers can awaken to Guru’s grace and unfold their destiny is the most sublime work.

When students move out of the Ashram to begin their householder lives, Guruji calls it ‘Graduation’ and gives diplomas based on the number of years they have spent in the ‘Ashram Residential Course’. When once the world reflected their negative mind states, now it reflects their growth and essence.

In the beginning of Guruji’s book ‘Consciousness Is Everything’ he quotes from the sage Keshemaraja on how to dispel suffering:

He is a bound soul who has poverty of Shakti. With the unfoldment of his Shakti, however, he becomes Shiva himself.

To unfold the inner Shakti and become Shiva means freedom from pain.

Shaivism says that Shakti unfolds with the grace of a Shaktipat Guru. And so many ashramites have moved from darkness to light, from ignorance to understanding during their sadhana with Guruji. Confusion has become clarity, addiction a passion for God, heartache love of Self, and aimless wandering a sense of purpose.

With the Shakti we will never feel impoverished, never feel a lack, never feel alone, never feel lost, never feel confused and never feel separate.

The other night in study group Guruji said, ‘It is rare to meet a Sadguru. Once you have met the Guru you can find a million reasons to leave him. But, there is only one reason to stay…and that is to know the Self.’

The connection with the Guru’s Shakti nourishes our whole being and unites us with his state of Consciousness. It is a direct line to Shiva, who breathes life into us and sustains grace.

When that connection wobbles we suffer from ‘poverty of Shakti’. The highest priority, whether you are an ashramite or a householder, is to maintain the flow of energy. When we hold to that we discover a love that weathers all storms.

Take Refuge In A Siddha

Ganeshpuri February 2017

Our Ganeshpuri Retreat is in full swing. This tiny village is a source, a wellspring of Shakti, a doorway to higher Consciousness.

A few days ago we had a Guru puja, the beginning of a process of initiation into the siddha lineage for seven worthy seekers who are devoted to the teachings, sadhana and the Guru’s work. All of the initiates have said they feel a calling to serve the Guru.

Ganapati Levine and Renuka, took sannyas; Vani and Janaka Stanford took a Shiva/Shakti initiation. Gargi and Ramana took a Lineage initiation. LeRoi Zavier, from California (in absentia) was also included. As part of the ceremony they received new names. Ganapati is Swami Ganeshananda, Renuka is Swami Paramananda, Vani is Yogini Sri Vani Ma, Janaka is now Yogi Sri Janaka, Gargi is Sri Gargi Saraswati and Ramana is Sri Ramana Saraswati. LaRoi is now Swami Sahajananda.

Guruji said that the greatest initiation is Shaktipat from a siddha guru. ‘No one should feel jealous of the initiates. Their initiation belongs to all of us. We share in their process. We are fortunate to be a part of this great path, the great power of the Kundalini Shakti and to be connected to Bhagawan Nityananda and Baba Muktananda. If you are jealous maybe it means you need to take a step like this.’

In the morning Santosh, the Brahmin priest from Vajreshwari led us through the puja with his usual skill saying that it is a great honor to be connected to the lineage and serve the Guru. To do Baba’s work is a calling from the siddhas. Guruji later said that God looks for hearts that are open so they can do His work.

That afternoon Guruji spoke about sadhana and pledging ourselves to the path. He said that when he took sannyas he was overwhelmed by love and gratitude that he was taken into something greater than his individuality, that he was absorbed in the great ocean of divinity.

Quoting from a talk Baba gave in 1981 before returning to India Guruji said that Baba encouraged everyone to ‘remember the Self, remember the mantra, take refuge in the Guru and the Satsang’:

As long as you don’t have the knowledge of the Self this appears as a mere world. But once you have knowledge of the Self, this is no longer a mere world; it is the play of Consciousness. This is the path of equality. Understand that whenever you oppose somebody you are actually opposing yourself. Everyone is the child of the Lord.

When everything is Consciousness, how can you say, “this is high, and that is low? How can you say, this is good and that is bad? What person can you reject saying he is bad? What person can you accept saying he is good? When everything is one, everything is your own Self.

This world originated from siddhas. Whoever follows the siddha path can become a siddha. If you have the awareness of oneness, seeing God in each other, you won’t have emotions like hatred, anger, enmity, jealousy or envy. Hold the awareness siddha sharanam gachchhaami—I take refuge in a siddha. Only when you take complete refuge in your Guru can you draw the Shakti, the power of the lineage of siddhas.’

In the early morning Guruji completed the sannyas and initiation ceremony. The swamis went symbolically to the river and renounced the three worlds, the attachments that bind them to the material plane. They then walked north towards the Himalayas. Guruji called them back and asked them to serve humanity. They agreed.

All the initiates gathered on the verandah and we watched as Guruji covered his head and theirs with a silk shawl Baba had used in a sannyas ceremony in Gurudev Siddha Peeth which he later gave to Guruji. Guruji whispered a mantra and a new name to each initiate.

There was a feeling of stillness in the atmosphere, a sudden quiet as though Ganeshpuri itself was honoring this moment.